I Don't Want this Night to End

res·o·lu·tion 

noun

1.a formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group. Compare concurrent resolution, joint resolution.

2.a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

3.the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.

4.the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

5.the act or process of resolving or separating into constituent or elementary parts.

Christmas has come and gone and now the new year is just days away! For thousands of people this means figuring out and making their New Years Resolution. Many of you will not be surprised that I rarely. aka. never partake in this tradition. After a little bit of computer nonsense I stumbled upon many articles about these resolutions that only 42% of Americans will make and only 42% of them will actually achieve/accomplish. The typical resolutions seem to be very challenging yet so simple. 

The most popular were:

Lose 20 lbs. 

Quit Smoking/Drinking.

 Get out of debt.

 Live a happier life.

hmm. so vague right?

The thing about most common New Years Resolutions is the fact that they are sooo much easier said than done. Why don’t the majority of Americans pick something fun and a little easier to accomplish like learning how to ride a unicycle or committing to drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Hah okay that may be a little too easy. I guess these are like most things in life, but to just say you will get out of debt or lose 20  pounds you need a plan or you will fail. Jimmy, my very smart dad, always says, “Failing to plan is planning to fail”. I blame this silly phrase for the reason I have over planned every ounce of my life. As I am faced with the most uncertain point in my little life and future I am starting to embrace the unknown. I am finally starting to see the next year of my life like an untold adventure. As long as I don’t lose sight of my dreams or lose the love of those around me, everything will turn out fabulous. 

Or fabulously imperfect.

“The real secret to the fabulous life is to live imperfectly with great delight.”

With this new year approaching, I will as always not have a New Years resolution. No extreme diet or exercise changes, no new skills in the works, & no vague steps to dramatically changing my life. This new year will bring me new adventures and opportunities as a college graduate, but the best part about life is that I don't have to wait until January 1st to make my dreams to come true. God has blessed me with people in my life that make every opportunity, experience and adventure magical. Just as magical as any New Years Eve. 

Happy New Year!

-SJP

Away in a Manger

 Christmas is less than a week away. I am not sure how it is possible that the days have gone by so fast. But nonetheless the week of Christmas is here. Cool Springs is packed with busy shoppers. The radio plays nonstop Christmas carols. And snowflakes fill the sky…oh wait. No just rain and highs in the 60’s. 

This time of year everyone is busy wrapping up unfinished business and the hustle and bustle of the season often makes me put the real reason of the holiday in the backseat. But today I was standing among hundreds of people waving American flags, smiling ear to ear, with not a dry eye next to me. Robyn, being a mom, and seeing this 23-year-old man coming home to his little girl was bawling.

Police escort for Andrew Wilson.

Driving into Brentwood.

A soldier coming back from war.

Just 23 years old and he has served our country.

Sacrificed his years as a young adult for the safety of our country. 

It reminded me of the huge sacrifice that God made for us. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, who would be the ultimate gift and sacrifice.

Nativity Scene

This season the soldier’s little girl got her Christmas wish. Her daddy was home for Christmas. It put everything in perspective for me once again.

-SJP

Back to December

December is here. Final Exams are in full swing… Well more like, group final projects, papers, and only two exams. I haven’t had a test yet, and still wont for several days. That being said, I have had been able to enjoy my morning cup of coffee, the Today Show and Beth Moore’s bible study.

The Ester study I did earlier in the fall was fabulous, so I had high expectations of Mrs. Beth Moore and what she had in store in Stepping Up: A Journey through the Psalms of Ascent. 

Today it was, as always, so fitting to my life.  

My mom has always taught me to be open and honest with people. She has shown me over the years how being a woman of God will give you strength and love that could come from no one else. My mom has always been the godly woman I am striving towards. But with this open and honest policy she has engraved on my heart, it comes with the realization that when you are so open, honest and vulnerable you must be ready to receive the same honesty in return. 

This morning as I enjoyed my pumpkin spice coffee and read through Psalms I knew it would hit home with me. I must admit a major character flaw of mine:

 I can be a bit OCD and Type A at times. 

I plan, organize, analyze and then over-analyze. 

I wonder why God allows some things to happen and then refuses others. I think about the past, question the future, but where does that leave the present? Today Beth Moore’s study was simply about how in Psalms, God has a plan that we can’t see right now. He has the timing orchestrated for our own best interest. Sometimes he can play the role of a dad, withholding something a child wants because "daddy knows best" and what the child wants will be more harm than good. And other times God’s plan is to bring us back to him. Beth says, “He is the ultimate Prince Charming to every woman, especially the one who forgot she was Cinderella”. Sometimes God holds off on things so we remember how they are supposed to be and how He should always remain our focus. 

We are back to December again and Christmas is right around the corner. I am about to go home to my family unsure of how next Christmas will look, where I will be working, and living. With graduation on my mind & the past few days of a reality slap in the face I am reminded to just let things happen according to God's honest and open truth that He has my best interest in mind. What is happening right doesn’t need to be missed out on because I am over analyzing,thinking&worrying. 

-SJP

The Scientist

Thanksgiving.

My favorite holiday.

The holidays are changing with every year. The older I get, the more that reality seems to get in the way and take away some of the magic and sparkle from the holiday.

Prime Example. Taylor my older sister had to work Thanksgiving Day and the day after. She couldn’t venture with us to our Grandmother’s house to celebrate with our entire extended family.

My family minus Taylor and her husband Klay.

But some traditions are not going anywhere such as my yearly deer hunt with Jimmy. This Thanksgiving and like every Thanksgiving since I left for college, I went hunting with my dad. Those of you who know me are aware that I like to be active, but this is typically inside a gym, with air condition and water fountains. Real nature is a bit more out of my element. Jordan my 10 year old buddy I was the bright eyed nanny to this summer once told me, “Shelby, no offense, but I don’t think you are a nature girl”. He told me this as we were climbing up rocks and playing in a creek…Right after I slipped and fell taking a tree with me. Clumsy.

Jimmy, the woods and me.

Pitch Black when you walk in the woods to get to the deer stand.

4:30 am until about 9 am sitting with jimmy.

The sunrise is always beautiful and makes it all worth it.

Hunt is over. Deer Stand.

Jimmy. My fearless leader.

Yes, an extreme change of scenery from my typical day. But there is something about it that is peaceful and exhilarating. I know my dad absolutely loves that I go with him to hunt, and that’s why I do it. I want nothing more to make him happy and show him how much I love him. I have never been more thankful for my supportive, loving dad. This year especially I have seen that no matter what happens or what I do in life, my Jimmy is there to help and support me in or out of the woods. 

oh just lovin me some camo and guns.

-SJP

You Will Find Me

“Every story has an end, but in life every ending is just a new beginning”-Uptown Girls

Favorite Quote of ALL time. It’s so true. When a chapter in your life is over, your life continues with new pages hopefully full of mystery and magic. But since life is not always a fairy tale what comes next in your story may be disappointing and scary. As fall semester wraps up, I am realizing how next semester will look so different for me. I chose to fill my life during college with sorority and Panhellenic involvement. This past week all of that changed. My last Panhellenic council meeting as Chaplain, and my last Alpha Delta Pi meeting as Recruitment Vice President was this week. Next semester I will not hold a leadership position and I honestly do not know what I will do with all my spare time. 

(Hopefully devote every minute to finding a big girl job, but that’s another story).

As most people know, I am in love with ADPi’s Creed. I think it is the most beautiful thing ever written. The values and standards addressed in the Creed line up with my own. I think that is why I have really enjoyed holding leadership positions in Greek life at UT. The Christian values of ADPi represent strong women who love the Lord and strive to be Godly women. I think this is why the latest development in Panhellenic is so disappointing. Campus Administration has decided to do away with the Panhellenic Council position of Chaplain. It makes me sad that the issue of being politically correct has more weight than that of what the Panhellenic organizations were founded upon. An international officer came to an ADPi meeting this semester and talked about the history of our chapter. The way she told the story had every woman in the room captivated. The founders of ADPi were women who wanted to make a difference and hold each other to a high standard of morals.

One of the main values that brought these women together was one of the first things to go in today’s culture. As I take a break from packing to go home for Thanksgiving I am thankful for the experiences that have shaped my college years, but I am still sadden by the way times are changing and what was once considered important in Greek life is no longer. Even with the disappointment of the end of the position and my term serving as Chaplain I enjoyed every minute of the past few years, completely consumed by Greek life. But with that being said I look forward to the new beginning that is on the way.

 I may be stepping out of the leadership positions I held but the life lessons

 I learned along the way will walk with me always. 

-SJP

I Know You're Gonna Be There

Cardigans. I have been rockin the cardigan long before they were trendy or fashionable. Sweater sets were the beginning to my love of the cardigan. I lost the sweater sets and have now moved on to oversized sweaters.

Here are a few of my latest favorites:

J.Crew- Cashmere cable boyfriend cardigan

Free People- Eagle Fairisle Cardigan

Anthropologie- Echoing Argyles Cardigan    

There is something so comfortable and easy about a cardigan. I honestly

wear them like security blankets. Today is the first day that I leave my all my cozy cardigans in my little laurel bedroom, as it is cold enough this morning that I needed my winter coat. Sometimes you have to know what is best for you and leave things behind to brave the world for what comes next.  And yet sometimes when you least expect it, you find yourself right back to what you know, what is comfortable, and what you have loved all along.

-SJP

Colder Weather

I am such a creature of habit. At least every morning. It pretty much goes like this: Coffee. Bible Study. Today Show. Gym. And after a shower I am up and going for whatever the day has in store. Lately, it’s just a ton of Alpha Delta Pi. Drowning in housing concerns, philanthropy event drama and elections.

Oh my my little ADPi Elections. Let me backtrack a bit. This has been the fastest year of my LIFE. I can remember this time last year perfectly. I was applying to be Panhellenic President. Fall Formal was the next big date party, and the end of the semester, aka. FINALS were right around the corner. Well…needless to say, NONE of that went as I planned. I did not get Pan Pres, Fall Formal was less than a success, and finals were just finals.blah. Looking back now, I can smile about it all. The disappointment of Pan Pres led me to Recruitment Vice President of ADPi, which changed my entire year. Put me in Knoxville for the summer and serving on Exec for our chapter. I now can laugh at the fail of Fall Formal, realizing that all things happen for a reason forcing you grow up, maturing into who you’re supposed to be in the future. And I realize grades do not define who you are or where you’re going. But at the time I didn’t see any of that quite yet. I went home to Franklin for Christmas Break wondering hmmm what in the world just happened.

Anyways, this morning’s Bible study discussed how the journey of life is hard, but God promises to be our protector and our guide always. My devotion Jesus Calling also discussed life in the terms of a journey. This common theme today took me back. Back to last fall when things seemed all messed up, confusion filled my little mind, and I just wanted an explanation for everything.

God had His plan, everything last fall was intentional, thought out by Him and it prepared me for this moment. The present moment. The past is the past, but what I learned provides great insight on how to handle the future. My disappointments gave me opportunities I did not even see possible, and for that I will thank the Lord for everyday.

-SJP

The Stand

I just finished the Bible study written by Beth Moore called Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman.  It was absolutely what I needed & I feel like it is no coincidence that it was the perfect study for this season in my little life. God taught me so much about myself and how I need to shift my focus from my strength (more like lack thereof) and start to see His strength is all that I need. 

Esther in a nutshell showed me how an ordinary girl was able to become extraordinary because she trusted in God’s plan for her life. Beth Moore has a fabulous quote in this study. She says, “You cannot amputate your history from your destiny, because that is redemption.” Ester’s history and background were the motivations she had for standing up to the King and ultimately changing history. Like Beth says, we can’t just pretend what happened in the past didn’t actually occur. It changes us, affects us, and needs to be a reminder of where we have been so we know where we want to end up 

and who we want to be along the way. 

If you haven’t studied Esther, I would highly recommend it.

Now Stepping Up: a journey through the Psalms of Ascent begins.

 I am eager to see what is in store.

"So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all"- Hillsong

-SJP

Love is Magic

So tomorrow is officially Halloween. Costumes & candy. 

A little fact about me: growing up I did not go trick or treating. Okay, well maybe we went once when I was two years old and I was a ballerina.  But for the rest of my childhood we went to Fall festivals at church or did some other classic Payne family adventure. I did not feel like I was missing out at all, I didn’t really even understand what everyone else was doing. But as I got older we would hand out candy on our front porch to all the cute little kids dressed up in clever and wild costumes. Robyn and I would always pick our favorite costumes. So now as a 21 year old girl in college I am just entertained by the costumes worn by girls, or most of the time lack there of…But this year I happen to end up in Franklin and missed most of the scandalous costumes. What a shame.

Naturally there was a festival in my little adorable Downtown Franklin on Saturday: Pumpkinfest. Taylor, Klay, and I walked the streets of the precious town that were filled with music, Irish dancers, and costumes on children as well as adults. I have decided and if someone can prove me wrong please enlighten me, but in my mind there is NOT a costume in the world that an adult can pull off without looking ridiculous. But that is not the point. Something about Downtown Franklin took what is not particularly my favorite holiday and made it magical. The streets were filled with families wearing matching costumes and enjoying the beautiful Fall day.

But now that Halloween is here, the countdown begins to my FAVORITE holiday.

 THANKSGIVING. 

Family, Cooking, and my yearly deer hunt with Jimmy.

-SJP

Turning Tables

I have yet to face a problem that

Coffee

P90x Yoga

& Jesus

 

couldn't take care of. 

-SJP

Magnolia Tree

It’s Saturday night in Knoxville. My friends are out dancing the night away at a Lambda Chi Band party. I typically would be there in a heartbeat, but tonight I turned in my cowboy boots for slippers. Cozy in my little Laurel bedroom, Drew Holcomb’s sweet lyrics fill the air, and I sit staring at my laptop screen. I didn’t think this would be so daunting. I have been brainstorming this “personal narrative” for weeks. Tonight I was/ am determined to conquer the challenge of writing a short (aka. No more than two pages double-spaced) essay about why I want this position and how I am perfect candidate for my dream job.

But as you can see, I am instead writing about how challenging it is to write this essay. The challenge is not figuring out why I think this job is a perfect fit for my personality and how this would change my entire future for the best, but rather how to express something so important and complex in such a limited amount of words. I am NOT a woman of few words. Hah, quite the opposite actually, and sometimes this gets me in trouble or is just obnoxious. The pressure to get this right is weighing on my heart. I pray God gives me the words to show not only how much I have been dreaming about this job, but how I am qualified, competent and confident I would excel at this position.

Dreams are funny things. As a little girl I have had this image in my head of myself as an adult woman. I imagined myself as a caring, compassionate, and comforting woman working as a nurse within the neonatal intensive care unit. My little world was rocked near the end of freshman year when I realized that this was not for me. I had dreamed of this since I was such a little girl playing with Cabbage Patch and Lee Middleton dolls. After this decision to switch my major (several times) I have wondered what do I want to be doing, what am I going to succeed doing, and ultimately what can I do to make a difference in the world. Now as graduation is approaching, I think I have found my dream job. It is not where I thought I would end up, but I think it is right where I belong. But now, the future of my dream job is going to come down to an essay.

As I sit here staring at a blank word document I realize I have been sitting here through A Million Miles Away, Passenger Seat, and now Chasing Someday. So basically hours. I may not know what direction I want to take in my essay, but I know the direction of my dreams and I am going to keep dreaming until I have everything I ever dreamed of (and hopefully more). Now back to my essay. 

-SJP

One is One Too Many, One More is Never Enough

My favorite season is here. Finally. Fall.

Low Humidity & Crisp Air leads to great hair.

Boots, Scarves, and Cardigans are staples in my wardrobe.

Pumpkin Spice Lattes…well usually that would be a daily part of this time of year, but I have a promise with myself I shall NOT order one this Fall. “One is one too many, one more is never enough. It’s always your favorite sins that do you in.” Yes, I just applied Kenny’s song about a forbidden lover to a Starbucks drink, but I am sure if you have had this beverage you know you can’t resist them once your taste buds remember how yummy they are. But this year I have sworn them off. 

Sorry about the tangent, but back to Fall. 

My FAVORITE thing about fall is pumpkin carving.

My charming little family started a pumpkin carving tradition my freshman year of college over Fall Break. The first time I hung out with Klay Kelley, my sister’s current husband but at the time he was just a very new boyfriend we decided to carve pumpkins. He was exposed to my family’s quirky ways. Mainly mine. 

That year I carved Dick Cheney’s face.

Fall of Sophomore Year I carved a deer hunting scene, which is most definitely my most impressive one.

Fall of Junior Year I carved a kitty cat.

And this fall I carved a lion.

Pumpkin carving, like most things in life begins with a plan. A sketch, an idea, a dream. As you start cutting, you keep chugging along until you realize oops. I should not have cut there; I stepped out of the boundaries that were planned, into a “danger zone”. Some of these mistakes just lead to little modifications to the plan; the dream is still in sight. But other cuts, mess more up than is repairable. The plan and ultimate goal changes entirely. You cannot make the cut look like a hair bow anymore, it must be cut out entirely to create something different.

I often wonder how often I step out of the lines of God’s plan in my life. When I don’t trust Him fully, to let people come in or out of my life, or to hold on and try harder to succeed, I mess up my design that He planned. The plan of our Maker is for the best. It is so comforting that when I epically fail or step in the wrong direction, He is there to create something beautiful out of my mistakes. 

This Fall I really want to see pumpkins as a reminder to surrender to Him. I want to let go of control and allow Him to carve me into the best possible me.

“Faith is not knowing what the future holds, but knowing who holds the future”. 

-SJP

Like My Mother Does

So the past few days I have been extremely homesick. And today it is even worse because it is Robyn Payne's Birthday! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, today is the day of birth for the fabulous, incredible Robyn. My mom is the best. I almost feel sorry for everyone, except my lovely sister of course because we happen to have THE most amazing mother. 

Growing up as the daughter of Robyn Payne I was taught a sense of confidence.
Taking pride in my unique qualities.

Example A. I slap my knee when I laugh. That is how you know if I am fake chuckling or not. If the knee isn't slapped and the head doesn't fly back- it's fake. 

Example B. When I was a little girl my mom allowed me to be who I wanted to be, and dress how I wanted to dress. I was an interesting little girl. My favorite outfit, which my mom let me wear out in public was this (please ignore the disaster of a haircut):

#toomuch

Example C. My freshman year of highschool, Robyn did not question me or make me doubt my decision to bring my dog to my tennis team matches. I brought my baby Avery to multiple games. Games I PLAYED in. Looking back on that, I have no clue what I was thinking ( I can now probably guess what other people were thinking). My obsession with documenting every aspect of my life began many years ago. So if you were hoping for a visual, you got it!

Baby Avery came to many tennis matches. Chelsea, my tennis partner loved her.

My mom let me be who I wanted to be. Try different sports and music instruments, encouraged my love of politics and even approved my tattoo. Her own free spirit showed me the freedom to my own.

My moms coffee addiction, fitness obsession and scrap booking are just a few of the things that have become apart of my own life. But the most important things my my mom gave me were the lessons on genuine relationships with people. She taught me were to be completely open and honest about who we are and what we want in life. Live without regrets. Don't just let life happen, make it happen. And most importantly never to let fear hold me back.

Mom and I after moving me into my dorm freshman year.

My mom attracts people. People love her. She walks into a room and people are intrigued by her. She is one of those magnetic people. I know she is flowing all through this blog, but it's simply because everyday I am reminded of her and she reminds me of the woman I want to become. She is my hero. And today as I celebrate her and her birthday, I am so blessed for having such a fun and strong woman raise me. I want to grow up and be just like her. Love you momma bear :)

I want to live my life "Like My Mother Does".

Summer 2011.

-SJP

"Friday Night Sweet Ride"

Last Friday night, one of the most legendary events in Alpha Delta Pi occurred. Yes, that's right it was Barn Party time in Tennessee! Barn Party is a date party to remember. We pile in buses, drive to an unknown location, and dance the night away in a barn filled with magical lights and country music!

This year proved to be no different. It was a great night & I can't believe it was the last one! I decided it would be a fun trip down memory lane to look back on all the BP's. 

Zac Inklebarger was my first Barn Party Date. We look like
 babies haha oh my so much has changed!

Julianne Poe and I at the barn Freshman Year.

Sophomore Year!

Cody Bryan was my date Sophomore Year!

Junior Year I managed to somehow NOT get a picture of me and my date...so obviously Brooke would be a good replacement. #typ

Junior Year.

And Senior Year. Zac Inklebarger is a fabulous date party date
 & he got the pleasure of 2 Barn Parties over the years!  

We are now seniors & have come a long way! Love yall! 

"What Happens in the Barn, Stays in the Barn"

-SJP

Hey Miss America

My latest obsessions: 

M.A.C. Sheen Supreme-Ultra Darling

Toasted Almond Flavored Dunkin Donuts Coffee.
Like mother like Daughter, A pot of coffee a day keeps the doctor away? Hope so. 

J.Crew Flared Perfect Coat-Dusty Clay

Essie- Sand Tropez

Anthropologie- Marmara Pullover

-SJP